Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I Apologize

First of all, I apologize for the long delay. Truth be told-I have been wallowing in self pity for no good reason. Tanner, my youngest is having trouble learning how to eat properly, so much so that we have to go to occupational therapy to try to get him to be interested in eating. What is so frustrating for me is the fact that eating in general is such a freaking task in my house. I have one child who can't eat because he is allergic to most foods and I have another child who can't eat because he can't figure out how. Why is food such a problem for us? Simple things that others take for granted-like eating-is such a struggle for us. Why? I sure have never had a problem :) In fact, I rather enjoy it, even dream about it sometimes :)

The past weekend I was with a friend and her brother made a comment about how I have made her paranoid about feeding her baby new foods. Due to my experiences, she is shy about feeding her baby certain foods and is very cautious about possible food allergies (better safe than sorry). Well her brother said (in front of a lot of people) "Because of her (pointing to me), my sis is a freak about her child eating anything. And for every one bad experience she (referring to me again) has had, eight others haven't had that problem. So because of her (me) sis is too scared and won't let her child eat anything." Well, at that point I had two options: crawl under the table and scurry away, or laugh it off. Well I opted for the latter but inside I almost started to cry in embarrassment. And not to mention, I kinda let him get to me and make me feel guilty. Then, later on, he made another comment and I had had enough. I blurted out "IMAGINE WATCHING YOUR CHILD STRUGGLE FOR EVERY BREATH AND WONDERING IF HE WAS GONNA MAKE IT THIS TIME AND SEE IF YOU WOULD BE PARANOID! LOOK AT YOUR LITTLE GIRL AND IMAGINE HER ALMOST DIEING 3x NOW". He looked at me and said "wow, I didn't realize it was that serious". It just goes to show the ignorance people have to food allergies.

Another reason why I haven't been blogging is because I've kind of been down about the whole issue. Sometimes I feel really positive about it all and I know God will take these away, but other times, I'm just scared and hate that these are the cards we've been given. Right now, I basically have only one option for a babysitter and that is my sister. All of my family is awesome and very careful but she is the only one who doesn't work and her baby ate a "ty diet" for the first year of his life so she totally gets it. And when I have doctors appointments or anything, I know I can drop Ty off there and not give it a second thought. She is uber clean and the likelihood of protein on toys or furniture is very slim if any. So I am very thankful and appreciative of that option. Well now they have decided to move to the Hendersonville area and part of me (the selfish part) is so upset because I am losing my only other safe haven besides my house. This is what's best for her family and I truly believe that, but of course it will complicate things a little for mine. That goes back to the whole wallowing in self pity I mentioned earlier. This is the point I have to say "God I know you have our best interest at heart also" but its hard to recognize that. Right now I'm just wallowing. And I've realize with Ty, food is such a mixed emotion for me: sometimes I love it because it tastes good, but most of the time I HATE it because it limits our lives so much!

Well, I should probably calm down a little and try to make the next post more positive. After all, if I can't be positive about this, how can I expect Ty to be?

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